look at this

me now on the left, me this time last year on the right.
i was pretty depressed then. a boy who i really really liked completely decided to ditch me
but whilst we were talking i just...didnt eat much. wasnt very hungry ever
my legs look super super skinny, flat tummy,
just generally a lot smaller
weird.
i like my legs a lot there
i want that back
and i want my flat tummy back
crazy how much my legs have changed though isnt it?? urh look at the thigh gap on the right!!! omg help
as if i looked like that :(

ok so as awful as it sounds, i am not happy with my weight atm
and although im still not like, i dont hate it
i dont really get why i keep gaining weight
its a little confusing to me
i dont know how to stop it
:|||||| im gonna attatch a pic of the difference from this time last year to me this year haha its so weird

its funny cus on the second last post i sound so happy and normal but that's exactly it, one minute im fine and i play it all off as nothing and the next minute i snap back and realize it's not normal to be so fucking bi-polar about life!! i should feel like that all the time.
but i dont ofijropdgkoid

it's so hard to do well in school when i literally have no motivation and am tired 24/7. im going back to the doctors because it's getting ridiculous, i always hurt all over, having spinning headaches, am constantly tired and keep forgetting everything. it's got to be caused by something :(. i've now developed a shortness of breath as well, like i've been exercising all day when all i've done is sleep.

i want to be perfect and organised but half the time i feel like curling up into a ball and not speaking to anyone.

i also have awful mood swings, one minute im buzzing and the next minute im contemplating my life URHHH. most of the time its the latter. i have to force myself to be nice to people because if someone says the slightest thing that annoys me i want to shout at them and just throw stuff (a habit ive gotten into). it's so stupid and annoying and i've honestly forgotten what it's like to be normal

blah blaaa

Life's been alright over the last few weeks. My plans for that boy at the party went..successfully >:-) to say the least haha, I'm seeing him again on saturday so we'll see if we can make it 3/3. (Probably not knowing my luck lately).

I got my first literature essay back today and I got a B which is good :-). I get my first sociology one back tomorrow which I THINK will be awful because I've never done one before haha but oh well.  School's going okay in general I guess. There's this one boy who won't leave me alone and seems to think we're really great pals when we've been speaking around two weeks...it's a bit weird but nevermind.

I got pretty ill not last weekend but the weekend before- ended up in hospital again, but it wasn't as serious. It's just really frustrating how I can't eat a donut without getting a headache and falling asleep wherever I am because of high blood sugars. I've had it under good control since my hospital visit though :-).

I lost around a stone in the few days I was ill and have managed to put it and a bit more back on haha. Oh well, I don't much mind. Also I get £70 a month benefits that my parents owe me and I've already spent £40 of next months :-(. I'm appaulling with money but I'm hopefully getting a job soon so it should be okay.

SO yeah, life's been okay, better than average really. :-)

today was actually fine :). my driving lesson went really well, i did traffic lights woo!

YAY

i asked my doctors receptionist if i could have a repeat prescription of the pill cus i have a party this weekend and do not want to be on my period and she gave me a 21 day emergency one yes thankyou i love you

i know, i just KNOW that friday will be a disaster and someone else will spend all night flirting with this boy (i have my suspicions who) and i'll come on my period before because i can't find my pill that i used to take so i can't even delay it and i've got a driving lesson on thursday and an diabetic eye screening and so much homework, and just urgh want this week to be over.
my backs still got something wrong with it as well

life

okay so i haven't posted in ages.
i don't really have anything to say apart from i'm back at school, trying my hardest so far but i'm worried it wont be enough :(. sociology is very hard because i'm doing as+a2 together in one year and everyone has their knowledge from last year and i don't.
english literature is fine so far, and english language is easy as always. im NOT going to miss any lessons unless i have to. i've got an orthodontist appointment on wednesday i think which means i'll miss lessons them but oh well.
i get my elastics done which really really sucks cus it looks DISGUSTING and then i have a party on friday and i am so taking them out for that if i want to even get a look from this boy i kind of not really like (but he's attractive and we've got a history)
then i've got my best friends meal on sunday which will be fabulous because she's paying, so nice.
hopefully a party on sat too if i can get in though im not actually invited haha.
so yeah, should be a good weekend but i've got to really work hard this week so i 'deserve' it in a way.
also, i looked like elle woods today, or someone from mean girls.

Cloud Mani ♥

I got the idea for this from here, and it's so easy and cute so I decided to try it myself! It was my first time so you can see where I mucked up a bit on my little finger but I tried haha. I used China Glaze Sea Foam for the blue, Re-fresh mint for the green and Dance Baby for the pink.

China Glaze: Sea Spray matte & glitter

I did this a couple of nights ago when I was bored and decided to experiment. Since I am absolutely hopeless with actual nail art freehand, and I don't have any stamps at the moment, this is the most creative I could come up with! It's China Glaze's Sea Spray from their Anchors away? -I think- collection, and I'm not actually too keen on it on it's own, but i think it looks pretty with glitter. More of a winter look though, I need hot pinks right now for summer! The formula is AMAZING and is completely done after one coat. The glitter topcoat was Sparkle Touch by Miss Sporty, and the matte topcoat was the Rimmel one, which is also amazing.

China Glaze: Ruby Deer

This is from their (I think) Christmas 10' collection? It's a jelly red which is very flattering on most skintones I feel. it went on pretty much opaque after one coat but I did three because I kept mucking it up, oops. Anyway,  it's really shiny and nice and I think red is a really pretty colour that most people can pull off ♥‿♥
The formula is great, no complaints there. Went on smoothly and was really easy.

New lens! ♥

A couple of weeks ago, I broke my 18-55mm canon lens by dropping it at a party ●︿●.
I ordered a new one straight away, but decided to go for a little upgrade and got the next version with IS (image stabilization). It's SOO much better, the indoor photos are ten times crisper and it's just generally an all-round better lens. Here's some pictures I took of my house (boring but I don't have a lot to work with here)

Yay! 

China Glaze: Watermelon Rind

I went on a massive China Glaze haul because they're my new favourite nail polish and bought 10 shades, and I think this is my favourite :). It's a bit thin and it takes about 3 coats for full opacity and it looks a lot greener on these pictures than in real life, where it shines through a lot more turquoise-y. I just realised my little finger looks really pink because I had pink varnish on before and I didn't rub it off properly there haha, oops! But this is such a pretty colour, it's mermaidy! 

China Glaze Nail Polish

I think I'm going to turn this into a beauty blog, as they're much more fun to run, but I'll also keep updating on life bits as well.
I recently bought 10 China Glaze nail polishes from head2toe beauty at trade prices and am still waiting for them to arrive as they do take... a while, coming all the way from American but I can't wait for them to come! I ordered the following colours;

Love Marilyn

Polarized

Material Girl

Dance Baby

108 Degrees

City Siren

Sea Spray

Ruby Deer

Watermlon Rind

I have an addiction to nail polish! They're all sooo pretty :(.

Credit for the photos

http://www.lipglossiping.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/China-Glaze-Love-Marilyn.jpg

http://www.flickriver.com/groups/chinaglaze/pool/

nailstoriesuk.blogspot.com

vampyvarnish.com

luuux.com

lacquerwear.com

hausofpolish.wordpress.com

extended project

My school is doing an extended project thing which can give up to 70 ucas points; I really, really need this and I decided I'm going to do a novel about the life as a slave owned by Cleopatra and sent away to Julius Caesar as a gift only weeks before he is killed, so in retrospect it would be detailing the final days of Julius Caesar, and then after he has died she is gifted to Mark Anthony in which she directly influences Mark Anthony to return to Cleopatra and descend onto the ruinous track which inevitably brings the downfall of his reign as consul of Rome.

Obviously it's all made up and fictional, none of that happened, but it would be so exciting to write! 

party partyy

Went to a party last night, it wasn't amazing I'll admit BUT I did manage to get slightly drunk for about 30% of it by having some shots of jagermeister (ewwwwwwwww so disgusting). Which was a success for me! Haha, also got high so it was alright. I spent ages doing my hair and then did fake tan, and I did my makeup really really nice. I admit, it looked good haha!
Anyway here's a picture

I was a greek in case you couldn't guess! haha

My cousin just comes round every weekend at the moment haha. It's not like we speak all the time, sometimes she'll just be on the laptop and I'll be on the computer but we're just so close, I swear we are basically sisters but because we don't see each other every day we manage to bypass all the fighting haha.
Awkward as today I've eaten so much, I had a bacon roll, a cheese roll, a bag of crisps, a yum yum, a cupcake, chicken nuggets and chips from the chippy, cheese crackers, some cookies and about 3 smoothies...ewwww. I've decided I don't GAIN weight I just retain it so I look bloated when I eat too much. Like today for example, I had a pretty big food baby, I was sucking in a school all day haha. Even my brother was like 'How far along are you?', of course he's only joking and I was saying how bloated I was so it's not personal it made me laugh haha.

das me

today

I've eaten; a sandwich, a chocolate bar, a cheese string, a bag of crisps, one and a half slices of pizza and a few chips.
Not too bad, haven't snacked so that's good.

An interesting photo

That's me on day 1 of my last holiday in France, 2010, and about a week later, shows you how much of a difference a weeks workout can do haha