look at this

me now on the left, me this time last year on the right.
i was pretty depressed then. a boy who i really really liked completely decided to ditch me
but whilst we were talking i just...didnt eat much. wasnt very hungry ever
my legs look super super skinny, flat tummy,
just generally a lot smaller
weird.
i like my legs a lot there
i want that back
and i want my flat tummy back
crazy how much my legs have changed though isnt it?? urh look at the thigh gap on the right!!! omg help
as if i looked like that :(

ok so as awful as it sounds, i am not happy with my weight atm
and although im still not like, i dont hate it
i dont really get why i keep gaining weight
its a little confusing to me
i dont know how to stop it
:|||||| im gonna attatch a pic of the difference from this time last year to me this year haha its so weird

its funny cus on the second last post i sound so happy and normal but that's exactly it, one minute im fine and i play it all off as nothing and the next minute i snap back and realize it's not normal to be so fucking bi-polar about life!! i should feel like that all the time.
but i dont ofijropdgkoid

it's so hard to do well in school when i literally have no motivation and am tired 24/7. im going back to the doctors because it's getting ridiculous, i always hurt all over, having spinning headaches, am constantly tired and keep forgetting everything. it's got to be caused by something :(. i've now developed a shortness of breath as well, like i've been exercising all day when all i've done is sleep.

i want to be perfect and organised but half the time i feel like curling up into a ball and not speaking to anyone.

i also have awful mood swings, one minute im buzzing and the next minute im contemplating my life URHHH. most of the time its the latter. i have to force myself to be nice to people because if someone says the slightest thing that annoys me i want to shout at them and just throw stuff (a habit ive gotten into). it's so stupid and annoying and i've honestly forgotten what it's like to be normal

blah blaaa

Life's been alright over the last few weeks. My plans for that boy at the party went..successfully >:-) to say the least haha, I'm seeing him again on saturday so we'll see if we can make it 3/3. (Probably not knowing my luck lately).

I got my first literature essay back today and I got a B which is good :-). I get my first sociology one back tomorrow which I THINK will be awful because I've never done one before haha but oh well.  School's going okay in general I guess. There's this one boy who won't leave me alone and seems to think we're really great pals when we've been speaking around two weeks...it's a bit weird but nevermind.

I got pretty ill not last weekend but the weekend before- ended up in hospital again, but it wasn't as serious. It's just really frustrating how I can't eat a donut without getting a headache and falling asleep wherever I am because of high blood sugars. I've had it under good control since my hospital visit though :-).

I lost around a stone in the few days I was ill and have managed to put it and a bit more back on haha. Oh well, I don't much mind. Also I get £70 a month benefits that my parents owe me and I've already spent £40 of next months :-(. I'm appaulling with money but I'm hopefully getting a job soon so it should be okay.

SO yeah, life's been okay, better than average really. :-)

today was actually fine :). my driving lesson went really well, i did traffic lights woo!

YAY

i asked my doctors receptionist if i could have a repeat prescription of the pill cus i have a party this weekend and do not want to be on my period and she gave me a 21 day emergency one yes thankyou i love you